This is the first time in four months that I’ve actually had the time to think of telling you what’s been happening to me.  I promised myself to sit down and write since I have nothing else to do aside from editing and staying home on the last day of 2010.

In no particular order, here is the 2010 edition of my life “Bittersweet”:

1) Many great opportunities came my way. I had attended photography workshops and planned incessant fun shoots.

2) First DSLR camera Canon 500D.

3) Graduated high school in Ateneo de Iloilo – SMCS.

4) I think it’s my last ballet and contemporary dance recital ever.

5) Stepping into college life in Central Philippine University. Part of it I know a lot of persons coming from different backgrounds and cultures.

6) Studied photography in West Visayas State University not until practicum days because I don’t have a non “point and shoot” camera, or shall say DSLR.

7) My first time to enroll alone in 2nd semester of college. Haha! Good job!

Would you believe I had my first travel by plane?

9) I went for my palm reading two days before New Year. O_O

10) Signed up for a gym membership. I assure you, I won’t quit working out. Excercise at least 5 days a week.

11) Had my hair curled last summer and rebonded last October.

12) Curfew time extends until 10pm.

13) SM Global Pinoy “tambayan” no more.

14) Can’t get enough of Coffee Break everyday during hell weeks.

15) Number 1 resolution: Read 20 books.

16) Gain 20 lbs for some girl-talk reason. Hahaha!

17) First love. period.

Hey guys!  I haven’t kept you up to date for almost 3 months.  I really don’t know what to write about neither college life nor what’s happening.   Maybe there’s this such thing as writer’s block…yeah somehow believed on that.  I logged on WordPress and waited for the words to flow effortlessly from my subconscious, through my fingers, and onto the screen.  I waited, and I still waited.  The page remained blank.

Perhaps what I want to say didn’t come at all.  Figure it out what’s wrong.  Very strange.  So I opt to end my post here.

The weekends almost done

The moon is low in the sky

I  feel like going out

Before the night passes by

I won’t just sit around

When life becomes a drag

I dance

Since the last week of April until 2 weeks before May ends, I have ballet and contemporary dance classes in Sol Fernandez School of Dance.  I’d like to welcome myself back to ballet.  It’s such a pleasure to be back.  It’s been a long time I haven’t blogged about what’s going on with me.  I hope you noticed.

Aaah!  The Blue Knights headquarters in school.. I’m not going to explain further about this place since its a private thing.  Everytime I look at this photo, it’s very poignant to remember such great memories during my last year in Ateneo.  I’m thankful for the Knights who became my close friends.  And I’m very thankful as well to my best friend, Zennia, who forced me to join in this religious organization.  My life wouldn’t turn out to be this way if not because of her.

The greatest reminder of this place is that.. it’s where I first met him (*guess who).  December 2009..  Those were the days when I often see him while I was wearing my high school uniform.  When I visit the office weeks ago, I was frustrated on the new furniture arrangement.  Its not the way I last saw this March.

I feel sad that I have no choice of coming back again.. I’m used to eat lunch here during school days.  It’s my usual tambayan after dismissal.

Sigh… How I wish I have the power to turn back time.

Things right now aren’t easy to handle.  But for some reason, I will not be complete without him.  I’m sorry for being the typical hardheaded little girl who never listen and never pay attention during important conversations.  Last night, he gave me a taste of what will happen if I act the person he never knew.  He left me alone.  And because of that instance, I realized my mistakes.  The misunderstood discussions happen because of the incompatibility and sorts of problems that made him thought he don’t need me anymore.

I woke up this morning still feeling that there’s hope because I know that love is beside me.  Checked my phone..oh my usual routine.  Though the time was 9 am and I didn’t receive a message from him.  Unexpected.  Of course Its all my fault.  Anyway, I want my old self back with whom he truly loved.

He misses Lea…

The sad part is.. If ever he’ll leave me completely out of my life, I hope to see him again at the right time.  Even if he won’t see me again.  Don’t worry, I’ll be fine staring at the person he’ll become.  I expect a happy disposition from him.  I would be glad if he’s with the lady who beats his heart faster.. hope she won’t hurt him and commit mistakes I repeated over and over again.  I know he’s sick and tired of correcting someone who don’t listen.  I promised that I never let go of him.. coz I think he’s my first..last..and only one.  I don’t care for another guy who’ll enter my life again because that guy can’t bring back the lost feelings I had for him.  No matter how much will I try to move on, I definitely can’t detach from him.  I’ll be living alone without him correcting me.  Never appreciate my efforts. Never congratulate my achievements.  Never hear his voice asking how am I doing.  Never meet his lovely eyes.  Never hear golden words… “I love you” everyday.

It seems like a million years that I haven’t blogged.  I’m too busy on going outdoors, taking up summer classes, and reading blogs.  There are times I want to tell the world about what’s going on with my daily life.  But as soon as I logged on to the internet, I can’t find time to write a post.  At this moment, I’m on my bed with Jack (my precious laptop..haha) and this is odd for me since I usually sit next to my computer table.

I got 12 hours of sleep last night and woke up at nearly lunch time.  It was rush hour and I need to arrive at mom’s office by midday.  We’re going to have a medical check-up then after that, I can go on with my life without her.  My first day of contemporary dance class at Sol Fernandez School of Dance started at 3:30 pm although it was 30 minutes late.  I felt exhausted even at the beginning.  I barely can’t bend my knees at the precise beat of the music.  Damn!  The weather was freaking hot and I took my eyes off at the mirror seeing myself got sunburnt.  I REEEEAAAALLLY NEED a new black umbrella.  I like black and its basic that everyone should have.  Anyway..after dance schedule, I met my cousins, Raiza and Tiffany at The Atrium.  We head off to visit our aunt who was admitted at St Paul’s hospital 4 days ago.  We only stayed there for about 5 minutes coz we’re running out of time to watch the sunset at the Boulevard or popularly known as the Bike Road (2 km-long beside BBQ Park).  We rent a bike for 25 pesos per hour.  When I first walked to that place, there were like around 20 persons passing by across you.  But today, my gosh!  As if a whole town of people was there.  It’s safe.. people- young and old, rich and poor, children and oldies, individuals and groups, etc- enjoy the city atmosphere under the starry night sky.  Nothing beats pop music that is played through all the speakers attached to every street light there.

I can’t wait until next time to I get to bike with my special someone. LOLS I’m just kidding!  Oh..I didn’t say anything at all.

• BREAKFAST – calamansi juice

• LUNCH – Egg, veggie soup and rice, McDo Green Apple float

• DINNER – Lechon manok, shrimp and rice, balot, sweet corn, C2 Apple

Last April 17.. while strolling at the mall with my cousins, Cheryle and Daphne, a lightning bolt strucked my mind to change for a new hairstyle.  I have planned some weeks ago to go for long wavy hair style.  That’s the kind of hair I really wanted but when the fraudulent “gay” hairdresser rinsed off my hair, the unexpected look happened.  Instead of big wavy locks, it became medium curly hair.  Although I love it.  It’s classy sophisticated, glamorous, and fabulous. Voila!

The long wavy hair inspired by the 40′s I want but didn’t get it.

The curly hair style I got. Oh It’s okay @_@!

(Last week photos)

Right now.. I’m waiting for my uncle at his office for another major media project.  I’ve been working on his political campaign ad since last week.  Since I was stuck bored at my room weeks ago, I think accepting this job may open doors for me (meet high profile personalities, a politician, and a newcaster) . Although today’s the 5th day of my “part-time” job (haha), I haven’t given my paycheck yet..just big bucks of allowance for the mean time.

Hanging out at the office, have been all my life.  After school, I usually head off to mom’s office…witnessed the production pressures of the job in a day.  There are difficult employees who’s tough to tolerate.  Handling conflicts here and there.. and so lot more.

Last night, I felt crushed and for some reason, tears would not stop cascading down my face.  So to cease the heartache I was suffering, I just tuned on to the instrumental of “My Heart Will Go On” and after that read the novel “The Winner Stands Alone” from midnight to 3 am.

Sigh… it’s good that I woke up forgetting all the heartthrobs and problems since sleep numbed it well.  As I got up from bed, I checked my phone and the surprise and joy that coursed through me when I read wonderful greetings from someone dear to me.  I thought then that everything will be okay, that the misunderstandings last night were forgotten.  But midday passed and that relief turned into frustration. I was upset and what on earth was he doing and what could possibly distract him from replying.

I hanged out with JaJa and Jyska at El Grande resort just to ease my worries and maybe find a little relaxation.  If I stayed at home all day long, I probably would have been depressed again (because of some reasons).  We chilled and had some coffee, fries, and tuna sandwiches to eat.  I have a period so I wasn’t able to swim with them.  While they enjoyed swimming, I was staring at the sky above me…reminiscing…asking myself if what that person was doing.  Was he alright right now?  I felt better that he doesn’t have to worry about me too.  Or maybe he’s trying to ignore me because he is thinking he had hurt me many times already.  But I truly did cared and loved that person so much.

Sigh…

“Sometimes the first sorry won’t always come from the one who made the mistake… but the one who understands.”

It’s currently midnight.  He’s back online.  I sent innumerable messages for him on YM…minutes later, he replied.  I—–I—-do—-not—-know—–what—-to—–ssssssay.  Deep inside, my heart is breaking into pieces.  Just like a slow painful and torturous death.  I feel like my fingers are numb, unable to move.  But despite the hot weather, I feel colder and a quick glance at the mirror told me I was pale, ghostly white.   I can’t explain the emotions searing inside me to him.  My eyes are focused on the chatbox… torrents of water running down my chest.  My whole world has gone nowhere. My determination sucked out from within me.  The universe stabs my heart.. aarggh this not going to be the end of everything. But I can’t help but feel, truly feel that it is… Hope, shattered. Dreams, broken. Optimism, gone.

“Love needs time, trust, and understanding.  Without time, trust is questionable.. which gives it a bit of misunderstanding.”